Bipolar Bliss n' Blues

This is my personal fufillment/journal diary blog. I am bi-polar and sometimes its a little hard to sort out all that craziness, the feelings, the rush of emotions. This is my sanctuary. Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. Lets see if I grow up to BE someone! Or... fade into the background like a wilted orchid. Once beautiful, now overshadowed by others in vibrance and ambition. Like minded souls, let us share in each others wisdom, celebrate life's victories, and support each other whenever we stumble.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Plants- some brief thoughts.

I'm giving myself 4 minutes to type this because I have to get started on painting the wall in the bedroom of my new apartment. Megan and I just moved into an nice place on Chase Street. Beautiful little apartment with lots of light. The price was right, location pretty decent and my room is A LOT bigger than the tiny one I had on Rose Street. No closet, but I'm going to put up some shelves for excess clothing.

It would be nice to have some beautiful (and beneficial) house plants to complement the decor and environment of our "modern/classic-meets-bohemian" decor. I know I can only get away with so much as far as the free spirited,  anything-goes-vibe. I want to find a happy medium with my new roomie. Both she and I are really excited to be able to deck out our bachelorette pads however we want, since we weren't able to do that in our last homes. Now, its just Me and her. And our three cats: Pumpkin, Ozzie, and Rasco. And Harry, my snake plant I aquired from my good friend Joules when she moved to Colorado.

With the addition of Harry the Snake Plant, or (Sansevieria trifasciata ‘Laurentii’) , my air is cleaner because He eliminates CO2 from the air at night. Most plants do the opposite by putting CO2 in the air at night, oxygen in the air during the day. So, thanks to Harry, my air that we are all breathing is a little bit cleaner:)

(Harry in all his glory!)

Areca Palms,

commonly known as "Butterfly Palms," are extremely popular as ornamental plants.  A small to medium sized palm tree like this will probably cost you around 100.00. Its worth it though as it will clear the CO2 out of the air during the day. I do worry that my cat, Ozzie, will have a field day chewing off those leaves... She did quite a number on my Basil, grazing on it like a cow until I had left were some VERY sad-looking stems stuck in a pot. I don't know if I want to spend 100.00 on a plant my cat will likely destroy, leaf by leaf...


also known as Devils Ivy, Golden Pothos or Money Plant, removes chemicals from the air. It is good to have in the house, or around your windows/trellis, anywhere it can climb and flourish. IT IS CONSIDERED TOXIC TO PETS. The ASPCA warns pet owners not to have this plant in any location where your animal can get to it. The leaves are toxic and will make your pet sick. Its also not good for babies, small children to consume as it will affect them in a similar fashion.
I plan on getting one and hanging it outside our kitchen windows. I want to see that little sucker TAKE OVER our porch area. It would be like the secret garden eventually, if we let it creep all over the place.

A Site that could be useful in deciding what plants are going to live at chez Chase Street:

PLANTS THAT ARE TOXIC TO ANIMALS  A listing of many houseplants that are toxic to animals. It is run by the Prince George Veterinary Hospital. It is not a complete listing, but it is fairly extensive AND it has pictures of the plants in question. 

All of this comes from an email I got about the site: ALL MY FAVES
from there, I visited site of the week:  BROKEN SECRETS - a  Webby Award winning site about interesting things you didn't know- yet. Cool Site. I could spend a lot of time blogging on the stuff I learned there... oh, wait.. I just did. Crap... 1 hour to be precise. 

...And I thought I was only going to spend 4 mins on this. 

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

People Say I'm Crazy Trailer

There's a movie I want to See

It's marketed as, "The only film about schizophrenia ever made by someone with schizophrenia." I'm excited to see it. I'm excited for others to see it. This is real life! This is 10 years in the life of John Cadigan, from the time he had his first psychotic break when he was 21, into his years of the recovery process. A Beautiful Mind was a great film, but it was NOT a documentary. It was based on a real person, but it was given the 100 million dollar hollywood treatment. I don't think there is a lot of whitewashing, smoothing over-details, fact fudging found here. Its raw.

Call me Crazy, Call me Whatever You Want. I'm Good with It

Revel in your craziness. Don't try to fight it. Your fucking "crazy" right?

If we define crazy as observing behaviors outside of the societal view of what it normal and appropriate, than we are ALL crazy. My craziness makes me unique. My craziness is hyper thoughts, irrational feelings, impulsive behavior, inability to understand/comprehend/concentrate due to emotional/mood deterrences, wreckless passion, ability to think outside the box, remembering stupid little details about something/someone/somewhere that don't matter to anyone else but me- or my trivia night team. Etc. You can kind of get the idea. All these things that are part of who I am and what I do could very easily get me labeled "crazy." We are judged so often by what we think, feel and say; how we dress, our height, various physical attributes; our friends, the people we hang around, the activities we enjoy. When I catch myself doing this, I want to punch myself. Who the hell are we to judge, label and categorize what we think is "normal"? We all do different things! No one is the same (thank god!). People doing things we don't understand- well, chalk it up to ignorance, on their part AND my part. Can't we just say the crazy person is just kind of weird?


 Yes and No. Does it work the other way around? The Weird person is just crazy? I don't like that. I don't think it works. If your weird, than your weird. I like to think of it as quirky. I feel like you have more control over yourself when you are weird. When you are CRAZY however, It is that lack of control that defines your behavior, thoughts and actions. For me, CRAZY= out of control. Beyond my own help.

The Government: No Soup for You! (Until you drop out of School)

How The Government really works when you are undergraduate adult college student suffering/recovering from a mental/mood disorder and you need some money for food.

I spent a good majority of today trying to find VOC Rehab in Burlington, VT. The official government sites, The department of Mental Health, Human Services AND Social Security all have Vermont's VOC Rehab (short for Vocational Rehabilitation) listed as: I have no idea when the last official "update" to any of their sites were, but I have a feeling someone is lying when they say "last updated April 16th, 2010," or something to that extent. We all know the government can hire some lazy, ignorant and unfeeling individuals for jobs that require more than what they are willing to give. Its nice that as long as they arrive at work on time, they are allowed to keep their jobs. Even if they suck at them. Even if they don't really care about the job they are performing or the people they are interacting with/assisting. I picture a doughy, fairly well dressed individual with a high sense of self and a general cloud of unawareness floating above their heads.
Today I see the cloud floating while the government agent takes a nap at their desk. Feet stretched out in front of them, resting comfortably on a semi-cluttered desk. That's what I picture TC as when I close my eyes. She works at the Department for Children and Family Services in Burlington, VT. Unfortunately, she seems to be the only one who can make appointments for you when you are seeking food stamps/financial assistance. I say unfortunately because I had the pleasure of meeting her ONCE, the first time she denied me food stamps because I was- GET THIS- going to school.

"As a student, you are required to work at least 20 hours part time while you are enrolled in college."
"Um.. I'm on unemployment. I've been trying to get a job. There aren't any. I'm still waiting to hear back from workstudy at CCV.."
"Oh, well... I'm sorry we can't help you. You have to be working 20 hours in order to recieve benefits."

Saturday, April 24, 2010

BIPOLAR health Care- Fight for the Right to have control over YOUR LIFE!

In my quest for more Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham info, I randomly stumbled upon  this blog:
IT'S JUST A RIDE. It's the touching, candid and oddly informative blog of a bipolar gentleman from the UK. His latest post was about the upcoming election and how the government wants to increase the number of "Talk therapists" for people with depression by cutting the Mental Health budget 5%. So.. let me get this straight.. The UK wants to CUT around 5% of the MH budget so they can pay for therapists to occupy/run/facillitate all the new depression intensive talk therapy centers they are planning to build...
    Hmm... I guess the UK is just as fucked up as we are.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Crazy Heart: Just a country boy... livin' in a country world..!

I finally got to see Crazy Heart. By now, my expectations were very high for this movie and I was not disappointed.

It moved me in ways that were so subtle, my emotions kind of creeped up on me. There were elements that were heart breaking, tension filled, romantic, realistic and surreal. The acting was superb. Jeff Bridges settled into his roll like it was a worn out, comfortable old couch he has sat on for years. Its like Jeff Bridges IS "The Dude," in real life, and this is what would have happened to him if he had decided to go a different route in life. I think Jeff Bridges was excellent in the moments of "non-acting": holding a glance just a little too long, or standing at the door contemplating his next move; even the way he holds his guitar and lovingly picks at it in a drunken stupor... He never breaks character.

Jeff is Bad Blake, the alchohalic, former country superstar, through and through. soundtrack is chock-full of these examples, none more touching to the soul, then the Title theme, "The Weary Kind." I found myself tearing up upon hearing it sung, first by Jeff Bridges (Bad Blake), and finally, by Colin Farrel (Tommy Sweet).

Friday, April 2, 2010

I Feel Myself Slipping Away

Bipolar Disconnect. Is it Happening to Me again?

Potential Emotional Trigger Culprits (since January)

  • Overwhelmed w/ school work

  • problems w/ VHAP unable to continue therapy and medication

  • My beloved Tante Cecile died of cancer less than a month after they found the brain tumor

  • missed a lot of class and for that reason alone,will not pass this semester

  • unemployed (still)

  • can't get organized enough to keep track of resumes, cover letters, mailings, emails

  • fair hearing trial for continuing healthcare

  • boy trouble/relationships/status/multiple suitor stuff

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Breastmilk vs. Cowmilk Cheese: The Aftermath

Would you like some Breast with that cheese?

Man makes Breast-Milk Cheese. Women, not so happy with the recipe. The general consensus seems to be, "Ew Gross," or "her husband is such a jerk for exploiting his wife and her abundance of breast milk." Making the cheese out of breast-milk can be seen as frivilous, weird, or kinda creepy, I'll admit, but some women make A LOT of breast milk and its just kind of hanging out in the fridge. Would you rather waste the stuff and chuck it, or maybe, put it to good use?

Saturday, March 6, 2010

When the Ex comes Back....

The Ex is back. The insomnia continues, and hurricane Hillary has left many men behind in her fury. They are a bit tired and confused about what. just. happened. She assures them that nothing has happened. They went along for the ride even though she told them she was rather fucked up. If hearts were broken in the process, she did warn of impending destruction. Only recently has her heart reopened up and recently it was slammed shut again. Foolish love for foolish hearts. But to be a fool in love is a beautiful thing- if you can ever get there.

"If My Heart was a House... then You would be home.."
-Owl City, If My Heart Was a House
I guess, in most cases, especially with my ex... his heart is not a home that I am invited to very often, The door is always open within my heart home. You just might have to be persistent and knock on it forever until it opens.