What the Heck is in Asdrubal Cabrera's back pocket?

Does Anyone Know?

To me, I think it looks like the guy has his wallet stuffed in there while he's up at bat. Next time he's at the plate, watch him and wonder why you never noticed this unusually large and curiously shaped backside that's been standing right in front of you. He has a bulky rectangular thing going on that is not flattering any way you look at it. And you can't not look at it. Try to watch him and not notice his giant, funny shaped ass. Watch him like you've always watched him.






You can't right? Because that ASS sticks right out and now that's all you notice when he's swinging the bat. Or running around on the field.
There's no way he doesn't have anything in his back pockets... so the question becomes, WHAT is in there?

After some thought and some brief, but thoroughly entertaining conversations I've had on the subject, these are the likely candidates:

He's got Snuff in there. Folded up in a package. Pocket sized.
He's got a pack of bubblegum in there.
Sunflower Seeds.
Maybe it's his batting gloves folded nicely vs. shoved in and messy, the way most guys pocket their gloves. With the fingers sticking out so we know that that lump in your pocket is in fact your gloves and nothing more.


But Asdrubal keeps me guessing.
I like my theory it's his wallet. Maybe he's been mugged a lot, or had it stolen from the clubhouse. Maybe he doesn't trust people with his valuables. Maybe he's OCD or super-paranoid. It's fun to speculate.

I was curious if anyone else noticed this anomaly/baseball distraction besides me and my boyfriend (after I pointed it out to him).

If you google "Asdrubal Cabrera's butt", you get inane fan-girl messages like, "OMG he's got a hot butt!" And something about the Cleveland Indians needing to trade his butt, or wanting to trade his butt. BUT there is nothing about his strangely shaped backside. Has no one else noticed this giant caboose? Every time he's up at bat it's staring me right in the face. We'll blog about beards but not about butts?

Asdrubal, if you ever see this, please indulge me. What's going on back there? Is there something in your pocket or do you just have a big badonk-a-donk? For all the people out there with well-endowed asses, I am not hating on you. I have nothing against large rear ends. I think they are beautiful. So....

Asdrubal, if this is all natural and there's nothing going on back there, I think you're awesome.
Play well and play hard to make sure we remember you for your stats and not for your ass.
Because no one in baseball history wants to be know as the player with biggest, weirdest ass.



Much love,
La La