Bipolar Bliss n' Blues

This is my personal fufillment/journal diary blog. I am bi-polar and sometimes its a little hard to sort out all that craziness, the feelings, the rush of emotions. This is my sanctuary. Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. Lets see if I grow up to BE someone! Or... fade into the background like a wilted orchid. Once beautiful, now overshadowed by others in vibrance and ambition. Like minded souls, let us share in each others wisdom, celebrate life's victories, and support each other whenever we stumble.















Showing posts with label confusion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confusion. Show all posts

Monday, August 1, 2011

Can't Sleep.. Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks will eat me...

"I was looking for info on Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham, and your site popped up with that ultra fabulous CD cover. I don't even really LIKE fleetwood mac (i found their songs annoying, dated, and forgettable) but thanks to my ex boyfriend, I am curious about their working and artistic relationship."

What ultra fabulous CD cover am I TALKING about? I know I've got tons of info printed out on these two. Like I stated, my ex got me curious. I think we are Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham in theory. Being on stage with ------ is like being in love with him all over again. IN LOVE not just I love him, I am IN LOVE with him- on stage. When we sing together, when we connect emotionally playing music, there is no greater feeling. This is the high of love and this is what Stevie and Lindsey battled through in all their years with Fleetwood Mac.Sometimes the greatest and most honest pieces of art come from the vast confusion from turmoil of the heart. Love's despair. An ultimate denial of getting the things in life that are most desired. From the pain, blooms beauty.

It took nearly 40 years to complete Nicks' song, "Moonlight (Vampire's Dream)". She wrote it about her and Lindsey. According to Stevie, the last verse was inspired by the Twilight series; New Moon in particular. I would gather that it also helped inspire the Title of the song.



The first and the third verse in 'Moonlight' were written in the mid-'70s. The second verse -- "She's lonely, lost, and disconnected" -- was written in Brisbane right after I saw the movie. So the song, really, is ancient times up to today.
"It's strange, she runs from the ones she can't keep up with" -- is all about the love affair between Bella and Edward [in 'New Moon']. But "Some call her strange lady from the mountains/Others say she's not really real," that's written in 1976. The same with the third verse: "He loves her, but he loves his life alone as well" -- people would think that was written about Edward, but it was written about Lindsey. So this really is an ancient song that encompasses my strange and everlasting relationship with Lindsey Buckingham, and Bella and Edward, all mixed into one.

There was something vampiric, then, between you and Lindsey?

It is! Our love affair. As much as we fight and have our differences of opinion on almost everything, if anything were to happen to either of us, I would be the first one there and he would be the first one here. So it is a story [about how] love never dies.



-- Stevie Nicks, 
Spinner.com April 2011 Interview

They were madly in love, then they broke up, then they couldn't stay away from each other, then he broke her heart, she broke his, they both dated others, fell in love over and over, stomped on each others hearts, stopped communicating, ran away, found each other, married (Lindsey) someone else, became friends and started playing again. Most recently, they worked together on, "In Dreams," the first solo album she has made in 10 years.



Stevie says she will ALWAYS love Lindsey. He was THE ONE to her.
Lindsey says when they are on stage together, they are in love with each other. At that emotionally charged, pivotal moment in music, they are soulmates.
.....................................................
Than Lindsey goes home to his wife and children and Stevie tours as a solo act. They go away to separate lives, even if Stevie says Lindsey probably was the love of her life.

Two people who love each other, can't stay away from each other, tried just friendship, fell in love again, hurt each other, broke the other's heart (mine), stopped communicating, found each other, started making music again... Our story. Our song.


Guess we aren't all that unique after all.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

People Say I'm Crazy Trailer


There's a movie I want to See

It's marketed as, "The only film about schizophrenia ever made by someone with schizophrenia." I'm excited to see it. I'm excited for others to see it. This is real life! This is 10 years in the life of John Cadigan, from the time he had his first psychotic break when he was 21, into his years of the recovery process. A Beautiful Mind was a great film, but it was NOT a documentary. It was based on a real person, but it was given the 100 million dollar hollywood treatment. I don't think there is a lot of whitewashing, smoothing over-details, fact fudging found here. Its raw.

Call me Crazy, Call me Whatever You Want. I'm Good with It

Revel in your craziness. Don't try to fight it. Your fucking "crazy" right?


If we define crazy as observing behaviors outside of the societal view of what it normal and appropriate, than we are ALL crazy. My craziness makes me unique. My craziness is hyper thoughts, irrational feelings, impulsive behavior, inability to understand/comprehend/concentrate due to emotional/mood deterrences, wreckless passion, ability to think outside the box, remembering stupid little details about something/someone/somewhere that don't matter to anyone else but me- or my trivia night team. Etc. You can kind of get the idea. All these things that are part of who I am and what I do could very easily get me labeled "crazy." We are judged so often by what we think, feel and say; how we dress, our height, various physical attributes; our friends, the people we hang around, the activities we enjoy. When I catch myself doing this, I want to punch myself. Who the hell are we to judge, label and categorize what we think is "normal"? We all do different things! No one is the same (thank god!). People doing things we don't understand- well, chalk it up to ignorance, on their part AND my part. Can't we just say the crazy person is just kind of weird?

       

 Yes and No. Does it work the other way around? The Weird person is just crazy? I don't like that. I don't think it works. If your weird, than your weird. I like to think of it as quirky. I feel like you have more control over yourself when you are weird. When you are CRAZY however, It is that lack of control that defines your behavior, thoughts and actions. For me, CRAZY= out of control. Beyond my own help.

Friday, April 2, 2010

I Feel Myself Slipping Away

Bipolar Disconnect. Is it Happening to Me again?


Potential Emotional Trigger Culprits (since January)


  • Overwhelmed w/ school work

  • problems w/ VHAP unable to continue therapy and medication

  • My beloved Tante Cecile died of cancer less than a month after they found the brain tumor

  • missed a lot of class and for that reason alone,will not pass this semester

  • unemployed (still)

  • can't get organized enough to keep track of resumes, cover letters, mailings, emails

  • fair hearing trial for continuing healthcare

  • boy trouble/relationships/status/multiple suitor stuff